I feel sad, bummed, mad, upset, lost… about Scott. But I also feel like I got a glimpse, for the first time in my dating life, of what it felt like to to be treated well. It feels weird to say that since we didn’t date. Hell we never even met in person outside of FaceTime.
I am sad I’ve not heard from him, bummed nothing came of it. Mad I’ve not heard from him and he just disappeared. Upset that I did something wrong [worse that I don’t even have a clue what it may be] and lost because for the first time it felt good / right / welcomed and was completely unexpected and made me truly happy. In a time where I was not so happy. There’s that quote “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” very much sums up the Scott situation.
The bar is set really fucking high going forward.
I’ve had moments where I think about him / miss him. I haven’t broken down and cried much, not like when it first happened almost a month ago. It’s been almost a month. The longer it’s been the more I know I won’t hear from him. As I was telling someone else, this is the timeframe we were going to meet up. I think it won’t be “done” in my head until I’m back from Tulsa. When he knew I would be passing through KC. Then I will be done with it all it. Maybe? I don’t know if I will ever “get over it” .
Life goes on. I used to think I was okay with being single, and sometimes I am, but the Scott situation showed me that I am indeed unhappy single. It’s downright miserable at times. Lonely, depressing, all the things.
The year of a healthy Jess has started out rocky, my emotional / mental health is at the lowest it’s ever been. My physical health is a little better than it’s been in a few years, weight wise, and I am good with working on it, not griping, not really hating it, but not ultra motivated. Maybe the weather has something to do with the blah mood. But I’m seeing a therapist, and I’m really liking that. I’m on some medicine that’s kinda sorta, maybe not really helping with the weight – we’ll check back on that in a few weeks. [more on that at www.chunkychickconfessions.com I decided to keep the health journey separate] . A work in progress…