A scary morning…

I haven’t been sleeping well; even with my sleeping pill.

A little bit of backstory; I traded in my brother’s hand-me-down old Apple watch for a new one [with a great trade in price + $150 off, making it $120 in total!] on Friday morning… I figured if I got a new watch, I might actually utilize it. I really wanted a newer one for a few of the features; the fall and sleep feature. I have however, utilized the activity feature a lot too. Win, win.

I have been able to monitor said lack of sleep via the watch to see just how shitty I am sleeping. Friday night into Saturday I slept a whopping 4 hours and 57 minutes, and that time included a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. Saturday night into Sunday, up to 7 hours but that included an almost 2 hour nap.

I woke up this morning feeling weird, off. It seemed too early to be feeling anxious / panic-stricken. I went about taking Moxie out and then came back in and decided to take a Covid test. No real reason other than I had been sneezy over the weekend. I figured it was allergies but I thought the tiredness paired with allergy symptoms I had better be safe than sorry. I went up to shower and continued to feel weird. I had thought this kind of feels like an aura (warning there’s a seizure coming) I have had these time to time, but I have never had a seizure as a result of the aura.

It’s a bit difficult to describe the aura, it feels like a de-ja-vu, mixed with panic, mixed with feeling like I am out of my body, and tunnel vision, with this feeling of doom. Then comes a headache. I was off on Friday so I was torn if I should go into work or not. I knew if I went into work I could be around people, and my neurologist.. and talk to people which would in turn take my mind off of it all. I decided to chance it. I got in my car, turned on some music instead of my usual podcast so I didn’t have to think… I got about half way and had the big feelings again but I was kind of at the point of no return.

I came in, grabbed some breakfast and told my boss as soon as I got to my office. It’s now 2pm when I am writing this, feeling much better, still lingering a bit but overall much better. I finally told Mom about it around 11. Lela has been hovering a bit, which I am thankful for an awesome boss.

I did notice on my watch that my heartrate was doing crazy things. I do know that if I were to have a seizure from the aura it would have happened by now (from what I have been told). As mentioned above, I’m not sleeping well and the stress has been a bit high. Add in the death in the family that’s had me a little emotional. Then add in all the chaos that is the world happenings. I am taking this as my brain / body telling me to chill the fuck out and turn off the news

It’s been a long while since this has happened. I hope it doesn’t happen for a long while again. I will take two of my sleeping pills and get to bed early tonight. Before anyone freaks out, I am prescribed 2, but I have only been taking 1 since I stared on them years ago, and only take 2 as needed. Tonight is an “as needed” night.

I never forget that I have epilepsy, but sometimes taking the meds just is normal that I do kind of forget, until this happens.

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