I say a lot that I am single by choice [and kidless] which seems to be something that makes people have strong opinions on.
Let’s address the kid situation, I’m single. I am just shy of 39, so by that stat alone, I would be considered a geriatric pregnancy [high risk] and a few other things add to any pregnancy [no matter the age] I would have, high risk. I know many people have kids without being able to afford them, but I’m not really in a place, financially to even think about it, let alone have it come to fruition. I would have to do this on my own, which also adds additional cost. It’s not for me. At one point in my life, I thought I wanted kids, but I don’t. That’s my choice. End of discussion.
I say that I am single by choice and that’s mostly true. I like to do what I want, when I want, how I want. Okay, now things like this revolve around Moxie [this is a whole other blog post!] But it’s lonely as fuck. Even with a hyper, ornery puppy. I choose not to have roommates, for my own happiness, see “do what I want, how I want, when I want” a few sentences back.
It’s lonely. Dating apps are TERRIBLE. On my profile I have full body pictures so people can see I am chunky. It’s disclosed. I also say that I am not looking for a bedroom buddy. But it seems that’s all I am attracting. Well, and fucking weirdos. I have a few friends who are also single so we share screenshots of the crazies we seem to attract.
It’s interesting that these guys are looking for a third, admit that they are “street physicians’ aka drug dealers, their preferred kind of undies a woman must wear if dating him, separated but divorced / living with the not quite ex wife, that if they do not agree with their political views, peace out. I have to say, when it comes to politics I don’t mind having opposing views, but I will NOT be told that my views are wrong because he does not agree.
It’s getting harder and harder to stand up for what I want, but more so what I deserve.
It’s lonely. I am lonely. But I find ways to keep myself busy in a safe way. I’ve tackled a lot of home projects that can be done by just me. Moxie and I have gone on many walks and hit up the dog park frequently. My closest friends are not close, geographically.
I just wish there were a dating app that were truly that. Leave the hook up stuff for Tinder. And there just might be, but I’m too cheap to pay for the subscription that it is.
So yes, I’m still single, by choice. I am not going to have kids, again by choice and with a little help from my IUD. Just me and the pup for now. As me in a few years if Mox needs a brother or sister… because right now, just one of her is enough!
everyday jess 