Someday; my most hated word.

I’m just going to start this off by saying that my life motto really is “if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have none”.  That said, I’d like to share a few things that are going to sound complete random; but hang tight, I swear it’ll all pull together!

A while back I grabbed a cutesy notebook from my favorite stationary shop – Erin Condren and started making a lot of various and random lists. I decided to make a bucket list [because, why not?]

One of the items: Go to an Iowa game and wave to the kiddos on L12 at UISFCH.

Another random thing; recently I renamed my Scentsy Team* Wave of Scents.  My Scentsy Team is not yet technically a team as I am not yet a rank in which I have to formally name my team, but I have a group page for my personally sponsored team-members and my downline. [Act like a Director]

In my 7 1/2 years of being a consultant; the things most recognize about me; when asked is that I am proud of my home state, and my job.   Many of my consultant friends; we call Scentsy Family have tagged me in Wave posts.

Last October, an idea was brewing that Pat Green – who signs the iconic Wave on Wave song, from 2006 that happened to be played during the first, First Quarter Wave; a new awesome tradition UI Stead Family Children’s Hospital Wave Playlist was going to come play at First Avenue Club; a local concert hall that I frequent and love to help market for. What we didn’t know is that this small, simple thing would touch Pat and his band.

Side note for those who don’t know, I work for UISFCH! A majority of my job is purchasing, but in my 10 1/2 years I’ve worked with architects, leadership, kiddos and families helping build that beautiful new building. I’ve worked with the teens and family’s on the Youth and Family Advisory Councils, I support the Child Life Program who hosts the Children’s Tailgate that “you” wave to. I buy all the stuff for said tailgate; including the posters, and pompoms; and let me tell you, those pompoms for that first tailgate well, let’s just say I was stalking a FedEx truck!

Today, Pat and his band are not only at the game, they are playing the halftime show performing the song LIVE for the fans / the kids! Then they are coming to the club for a concert; proceeds to the UI Stead Family Children’s Hospital. He and his wife donated $50,000 today.

I had two tickets to the game. I was supposed to participate in the wave today, and see this halftime show.

I am an employee, so I am kicked out of my parking lot at 6 PM on Friday and am not allowed back until Sunday morning. I can do almost all things on my own, but I had never been to an Iowa game. I know there are multiple entrances, I do not know which way is which in the stadium nor where my seats are — there is construction.

I was absolutely terrified about where the hell I should park, where do I go? No one seemed to be of any help.   I’m not saying this to toot my horn, but I like to think I’m a pretty helpful person, but me, I’m scared to ask; because I don’t want to put anyone out.  So I just don’t do it, or find a way around it.

I haven’t really talked about it, with anyone. Today, I finally told a few people I was scared about it all.  Today I just cried A LOT. I really really really wanted to go.  There was a possibility of someone from First Ave going and I could hop in with them; I drove over there, but I sat there for an hour no luck. I drove back home. And ugly cried the whole way home. Probably not safe.   I really think I should maybe talk to the doctor about this, pretty sure this is anxiety, and I’m not sure how to cope with it all.

I do 98% of life on my own. I go to Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden,  concerts at big arenas in our area on my own [yes, I’ve been to these places before with friends], Scentsy events in Chicago or Minneapolis without knowing a single person,  but new places, I just can’t. I missed out on something fucking amazing today. Something I bragged about on all the social media.   Because of what I assume is anxiety.  And I pretty much hate myself for it.  This is huge for the hospital; for “my” kids, I wanted to be there. I will regret this for-fucking-ever.

This wave thing; it’s important to me; I’m proud of it. I love that for 30 seconds it doesn’t matter what team you are cheering for, it doesn’t matter if your team is winning or loosing, it doesn’t matter that the world is falling apart; you stand, look over and you wave.  And even better; sportscasts from all over are talking about it.   Yes, those kiddos range from healing from a tonsillectomy that needed a little extra care to fighting for their life  up there, but they feel that love x 70.000; and then they don’t feel so scared.

Someday I will get to way at “my” kiddos. And tonight I’ll get to go see Pat Green in concert, and in the meet and greet, I’m going to ask him to make a quick video message for a few of my buddies; and share how much this song means to me.

This is not the end of the world not being there; I will get to to do this. The tradition is one that will not end; it’s a great thing.    I feel better just having written this. It doesn’t suck any less, but I wish I cold be there.

 

Also, note to self, if you are reading this and have yet to talk to your doctor, do sl.

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One thought on “Someday; my most hated word.

  1. Jess, I don’t think there are words to say how I hurt that you missed something so important to you. Those kids! those kids! They clearly mean the world to you and I’m thankful that you’re there for them. Your job as the purchaser keeps the hospitals heart beating. And, yes I too have experienced anxiety from time to time. Talking to your doctor can help. There was a time when going through a divorce when my kiddos were little that I, too experienced anxiety….you know the kind that you can’t breathe. Well anyway, anti anxiety meds was the temporary fix. The rest of the fix came when the situation in my life worked it’s way out.
    I’m not telling you this for you to do it, but when life happens, I pray. I’ll be praying for you (I hope that’s not too Churchy) You, are my friend and I want you to know how loved you are. (((Hugs))) from Texas.

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