And end, and a beginning?

The saying “All good things must come to an end.” To that, I question, was it really a good thing? Or was it just something to suffice us both for the time being?

I wrote a private post a while back and I’m still not sure if I want to share it publicly, yet; but I’m fairly certain that this week I’m calling it quits with Adam.

From the get go I told him that his daughter was the first priority, and I would never get in the way of that, ever. And I still do not want to, but I do want to be something of a priority, or maybe just a thought every once in a while.  I went to Chicago and back, for just two days, before he even texted me. I let him know I was there safe, nothing. I got a text as I was pulling into town, the town I live in.

He didn’t come down a few weeks back [it’s probably been closer to a month] because he was watching the Chiefs game, and I didn’t have cable, the antenna didn’t get the station it was on.

This weekend I finally mentioned it to the family that it was time for him to ‘shit or get off the pot’.  I talked it over a bit with a friend, and it helped me come to peace with it all, I suppose.

I basically don’t need to be his #1 priority, but I need to be something…  I’m not a flowers or chocolates kind of girl, I don’t need that, but a little attention would be nice.

I honestly don’t even know how to bring it up with him because we’ve shared maybe a total of 10 [it’s 12 I counted] texts between us since Friday; but I think it’s ran it’s course.

It’s been a couple of really hard years, with loosing grandparents, and the chaos that is work. Since loosing Grandpa Marty in March I’ve become more of a homebody. As cliche as it sounds, I’ve spent a lot of time figuring out me.  I’m putting effort to into friends who reciprocate it. If I haven’t heard from you in months, don’t expect me to go out of my way to reach out.

I’ve taken some time to figure out budgeting, and making a financial plan for my life [this isn’t easy!] Hell I even signed up for the Ramsey class that is somewhat church based and held at a damn church.   images

I am seriously attempting to live like no one else – in that I’ve got no social life, and I’m trying to be smart with money so when I’m older I can live like no one else.

This is hard, all of it. I don’t do change very well, but for some reason I’m pretty at peace with my decision, and I’m actually a little proud that I’m standing up for myself. He has not hurt me in any way, I’m merely standing up for me in that I want more from a relationship, I deserve more, and I’m not just going to keep doing this because it’s easy.

I’ve done the single thing, for years. I’m really quite good at it. Sometimes you have to pick you. Be selfish, even if it sucks. I’m picking me. I’m hoping to be a better me. Not just with a relationship, but with money, eventually with health [look, we know this is where I struggle as I’m writing this just before lunch], with my family, with friends, in all aspects of my life.

Change is hard, but hard things are worth it. I can do hard things.


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