If you were to look at my Facebook you might not realize that sometimes life is just crummy. Maybe you would, but I try to keep it somewhat positive and uplifting. You might think I’m hard on myself by calling myself chunky and thick; but let’s get real, I am chunky and thick. I mean, a 252 pound chick is by no means skinny? But I don’t think that’s negative.  But let’s get real here… here, not everyone reads, where my business isn’t in the spotlight, it’s not always sunshine and roses.

Admittedly my mood is pretty freaking shitty. I’m not sleeping well, the neurologist doesn’t want to do much about it. It’s a pretty vicious cycle, don’t sleep well so you drink more Pepsi, and shovel more sugar in your mouth because for the time being it peps you up and then you are a little more thicker.  I sleep the best when I have Ambien; but they won’t prescribe it.  And Jess who’s getting only 4ish hours of sleep, whose pants are tight is bound to be bitchy (bitchier?).

I’d like to go on a vacation to the condo in Siesta Key; hang out in the pool on the floaty; and then read on the deck and drink a strawberry daiquiri (like the ones made at the Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville)  my checking account says I need to work overtime and cereal but… such is life.

And mine pretty much seems to be falling apart.   My Scentsy business is struggling a bit; but I feel like I already overshare. I just paid off my car, but it needs some repairs; like $1000 worth. A friend’s husband said he thinks he can do it for cheaper; which would be awesome, but when will I be able to afford this?   I feel like most of my friends have kind of just ditched me, they are too busy with their own lives, and that’s fine, it’s what happens.  I’m busy too, but I’d make time.  Sometimes I wish they would but is it awkward if I reach out and say “hey… haven’t heard from you in two years, but girls from my graduating class who were snots communicate with me more on Facebook than you do, wanna grab dinner sometime soon?”

It’s not my intention to be a downer here, but just real, and sometimes real isn’t so pretty. I know that this season isn’t going to last forever, and I have some amazing people in my life, I just need to roll with it. I need to get off my ass and go on a walk. I can listen to the Bobby Bones podcast as I walk. I’d be content with Cheerios for supper, or scrambled eggs, or something simple and easy. I need to take care of me. There’s only one of me, I only get one shot at this, and who knows how long. But I’m also not going to east nasty shit like kale.

I have GOT to read the Dave Ramsey book. As in I must. And then I have got to force myself to do this, because, I need to figure out how to be a responsible adult, and well, I need some help in adulting.  Anyone have any good figure out your finances, books you’d suggest?

I’ve never really understood when people said weather affected people and they complained about winter and the sun and all that, but I think I get it. I didn’t tan all winter.  Don’t bother telling me this is bad for me, because I already know, but so is getting burnt and as pale as I am it’s good to get a little base and trust me, it takes a while for me… and I don’t smoke, and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve drank in a year (365 days) so don’t lecture me. If you want to, just stop reading right now.  But really I think I need to go tan.

9pm and I’m kind of tired; here’s hoping this means a night of sleep!  I’m going to sign off and head to bed.


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