I’m often asked “Do you want to meet them?” Obviously, I do. My parents who raised me have never hid that I was adopted, I’ve never known any different. My mom seems to be a bit more open with talking about it, my Dad, if I mention something like “luckily I didn’t get that gene” he’ll just say “yah”.
Yes, I want to meet them. I was placed in my mom and dad’s arms when I was two days old, and I know not much of my biological parents.
I know my mother was likely in college, she had the same gynecologist as my Mom. He knew my Mom had problems and a perfect opportunity arose! I know I was born locally, at Mercy Hospital in Iowa City. I do not know if I was named prior to going home as Jessica Parizek. My adoption was legal about 7 months after I was born; June 7, 1983. In Iowa, you ad to be 25 to reach out and get your non-identifying medical information; my Mom requested this for me for I think my 25th birthday; but she had started the process long before to just request it!
I’ve obviously blocked out some stuff, but the long and short; they tell me no data. My medical hero, Dr. Wolken, my eye doctor who had many heart to hearts with me [best dude ever] and he suggested that we live in a great area for someone to take this on as a project. I live very near the University of Iowa; perhaps a law student would like to pursue this. Dr. Wolken retired in 2009; and I have yet to reach out. It’s a freaking email; or a handful.
I am participating in a study through the University of Michigan where they collect my saliva and get me my DNA. I’ve heard that recently this is the best way to find biological relation. I need to send it in tomorrow.
At one point, maybe 3 -4 years ago, I reached out to the Troy the Locator team, and it was going to cost me about $1500 for the private investigator… I want to, it’s just not in the cards. Many have suggested a photo with a poster of me saying when / where I was born and have it be shared on social media. I have an email account for this. I’ve just not followed through.
I’m not sure if I’m scared of rejection or what. I’ve always said, that I feel like I need to at least TRY to do this before I have kids, just so I know my medical history. Well, clock is ticking…
Here’s what I’d say / ask:
- Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. While I’m sure it was a tough decision for you, I’m glad you followed through knowing that you couldn’t care for me how I deserved. I am lucky, and blessed.
- I do not hate you, not now and probably not ever. You gave me life, you gave my parents a child, and for that, you are awesome.
- What would you have named me?
- Do I have any siblings?
Even I “found” her / them, and one or both decided that it was too hard to face meeting me, I’d just love for them to know I tried. I knew I was adopted, and she was brave and selfless for her decision.
Would I want to have a relationship? You know, this is a tough one. I think it would depend on how communication was going and if/when the first meeting happened and how it went. Yes, this lady gave me life, yes, I am her blood. She did not raise me, no relationship will replace my mom and dad. NONE. She would be known to me by her first name, not mom / mother, anything. If I were to describe her I would tell people she is my biological mother. I would be okay with her calling me her daughter. This is all true.
I will always pass random ladies with thick glasses, or curly hair; maybe both and if they are of the age range of 52-56ish (I know she was in college) I might have a fleeting thought “is that my biological mother?”
Maybe I need to step up this free search / social media campaign idea, maybe I’m a little scared she might hate me, or resent me, or something, and that’s why I might be dragging my feet. I have NOTHING to loose.
It’s 12:30 AM; technically April Fools Day. I need to go to bed, but this is the stuff that swirls in my mind so now I’m spewing it into this blog. You’re welcome? Or maybe I need to say thank you. You made it here. If you did, reach out to me somehow and tell me “star footie pajamas” and I’ll send you some free Scentsy.
