I’m often asked “Do you want to meet them?” Obviously, I do. My parents who raised me have never hid that I was adopted, I’ve never known any different. My mom seems to be a bit more open with talking about it, my Dad, if I mention something like “luckily I didn’t get that gene” he’ll just say “yah”.
Yes, I want to meet them. I was placed in my mom and dad’s arms when I was two days old, and I know not much of my biological parents.
I know my mother was likely in college, she had the same gynecologist as my Mom. He knew my Mom had problems and a perfect opportunity arose! I know I was born locally, at Mercy Hospital in Iowa City. I do not know if I was named prior to going home as Jessica Parizek. My adoption was legal about 7 months after I was born; June 7, 1983. In Iowa, you ad to be 25 to reach out and get your non-identifying medical information; my Mom requested this for me for I think my 25th birthday; but she had started the process long before to just request it!
I’ve obviously blocked out some stuff, but the long and short; they tell me no data. My medical hero, Dr. Wolken, my eye doctor who had many heart to hearts with me [best dude ever] and he suggested that we live in a great area for someone to take this on as a project. I live very near the University of Iowa; perhaps a law student would like to pursue this. Dr. Wolken retired in 2009; and I have yet to reach out. It’s a freaking email; or a handful.
I am participating in a study through the University of Michigan where they collect my saliva and get me my DNA. I’ve heard that recently this is the best way to find biological relation. I need to send it in tomorrow.
At one point, maybe 3 -4 years ago, I reached out to the Troy the Locator team, and it was going to cost me about $1500 for the private investigator… I want to, it’s just not in the cards. Many have suggested a photo with a poster of me saying when / where I was born and have it be shared on social media. I have an email account for this. I’ve just not followed through.
I’m not sure if I’m scared of rejection or what. I’ve always said, that I feel like I need to at least TRY to do this before I have kids, just so I know my medical history. Well, clock is ticking…
Here’s what I’d say / ask:
- Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. While I’m sure it was a tough decision for you, I’m glad you followed through knowing that you couldn’t care for me how I deserved. I am lucky, and blessed.
- I do not hate you, not now and probably not ever. You gave me life, you gave my parents a child, and for that, you are awesome.
- What would you have named me?
- Do I have any siblings?
Even I “found” her / them, and one or both decided that it was too hard to face meeting me, I’d just love for them to know I tried. I knew I was adopted, and she was brave and selfless for her decision.
Would I want to have a relationship? You know, this is a tough one. I think it would depend on how communication was going and if/when the first meeting happened and how it went. Yes, this lady gave me life, yes, I am her blood. She did not raise me, no relationship will replace my mom and dad. NONE. She would be known to me by her first name, not mom / mother, anything. If I were to describe her I would tell people she is my biological mother. I would be okay with her calling me her daughter. This is all true.
I will always pass random ladies with thick glasses, or curly hair; maybe both and if they are of the age range of 52-56ish (I know she was in college) I might have a fleeting thought “is that my biological mother?”
Maybe I need to step up this free search / social media campaign idea, maybe I’m a little scared she might hate me, or resent me, or something, and that’s why I might be dragging my feet. I have NOTHING to loose.
It’s 12:30 AM; technically April Fools Day. I need to go to bed, but this is the stuff that swirls in my mind so now I’m spewing it into this blog. You’re welcome? Or maybe I need to say thank you. You made it here. If you did, reach out to me somehow and tell me “star footie pajamas” and I’ll send you some free Scentsy.
everyday jess 